Fairness, Love, and Life

My reaction used to be quite interesting when I heard of someone who has or had cancer. My first reaction should have been compassion. Don't get me wrong, I have the DEEPEST compassion for anyone who is unfortunate enough to have this terrible disease - but especially when someone got recognition for fighting their cancer my initial reaction was JEALOUSY.
I know that sounds REALLY STUPID and WRONG but I can't help but think about all the terrible things my mom has been through, thanks (or no thanks), to this awful disease and I want everyone to know how
STRONG MY MOM IS!!
Now I realize that is dumb because everyone who battles cancer is SO BRAVE, but I was young and it's funny how you gain perspective as you get older. (Yes, yes - you hear that a lot when you're younger but then it really happens, and you come to the realization that maybe your parents were right after all.)
But life isn't FAIR. Some of the most wonderful people come up upon some pretty tough obstacles while other people seem to breeze through life without any interruption to their rose colored world.
Some people are lucky in LOVE, some are not. Both my sisters seemed to find their equals very quickly and I found mine a bit later, but we all found love. For that, I am so grateful. I'm also grateful that my MOM found my DAD. I can't imagine there being a more patient, loving, and committed husband and father than my DAD. One of my most vivid memories of my childhood is visiting my MOM in the hospital - I can't remember how old I was or for which reason she was in the hospital at that time, but I particuarly remember the GOODBYE for some reason. After waiting in the waiting room for what seemed like forever, and fighting over some other girl's Etch-A-Sketch, my dad came and got us and said we could see MOM. I remember giving her pictures I had drawn for her, and wanting so badly to hug my mom but not hurt her. Then DAD said it was time to say GOODBYE and I couldn't help feeling that it was REALLY GOODBYE - not just see ya later, or we'll be back tomorrow. I really didn't want to leave but it was way past our bedtime and MOM seemed tired too. I remember driving away from the hospital in our blue Buick Skylark, looking through the back window and wondering which lighted window was hers. I remember wishing that I could communicate with her just by thinking things and she would know what I was saying or feeling - and so with all my might I wished my MOM a goodbye and I was POSITIVE she heard me.
I think now of how my DAD must have been feeling at that moment - probably wishing he could stay by his wife's side every minute but needing to take care of three little girls who had no true comprehension of what was really going on or how serious the situation was. I cry just thinking about it. I don't know if they thought MOM wouldn't make it that night or what, but luckily we didn't have to say a permanent goodbye. We would go on and enjoy MOM for many more years (and hopefully MANY MANY more years)!!
Last year I married an INCREDIBLE man whose mother had passed away five years prior due to colon cancer. One of the many cancers my MOM has survived from and I can't help but wonder if it's crossed his mind that it's not FAIR that his mom lost her LIFE and my MOM didn't. I know that her death was terribly hard on him and he had to take care of a lot of things concerning his family which was dually hard on him. He's definitely had to learn the hard way that LIFE isn't FAIR. But he's stronger for it and I couldn't ask for a better companion.
I think one of the most important things I've learned from my MOM is LOVE, and I know she LOVED us TREMENDOUSLY. Through all her hard times and sickness, she always made it a point to know we were loved - and for that I am forever indebted.